When we started this boat trip around the Eastern United States, we kept hearing about Bob423. It seemed odd that a group of retired boomers, who seem to have a bottomless appetite for classic rock (one more rendition of "Margaritaville" in a seaside restaurant and my cranium will fragment like a grenade) would be so devoted to a rapper.
Turns out that Bob423 is not a rapper, but a 70-ish retired engineer who looks like your high school civics teacher. His retirement passion has been to cruise the Intracoastal Waterway - the inland highway from Norfolk, Virginia to Key West, and carefully plot the depths along this very squirrely route. The Intracoastal Waterway was built to facilitate marine traffic up and down the coast, avoiding the more onerous ocean routes. In addition, it protected some marine traffic from Nazi submarines lurking just off the coast.
Bob423 very meticulously checks all the shoals sand shifting into the channels and all the other hazards that like to bite boaters. He draws a dotted line on the nautical charts that boaters use, showing the safest route. He then offers his findings for download, free.
Boaters speak reverentially about Bob423. "Do you follow Bob423?" is a common question, and it seems to me that if you don't you are somehow morally inferior.
We are now in Norfolk, Virginia, having completed 1,500 miles of windy, narrow and shallow water, which has kept my fingernails embedded in the steering wheel. We have grounded, requiring a humiliating rescue from a red tow boat - fortunately we bought the water version of AAA. We were in a narrow channel, and the guy in front of me grounded, so when I dodged to avoid him, I deviated from the dotted line of Bob423. The wages of sin are grounding. No one believes your excuses.
What is crazy is that you can cross a body of water 15 miles wide, and only 50 feet or so of it is deep enough to traverse. It so reminds me of Matthew's biblical intonation that the path to destruction is wide, but the gate to safety is very narrow. No kidding.
We are headed into the Chesapeake Bay tomorrow, and unfortunately Bob423 will not be with us, as the Intracoastal Waterway is in our wake. We have other nautical charts and apps, of course, but without the fervent certainty of Bob423.
I've pondered, sitting at the helm and almost savagely reading the charts and screens and the water in front of me, the depth sounder telling me I have all of three feet between my heinously expensive props and shafts and doom, what life would be like if, at a young age, we were given a chart of our lives with a nice dotted line that would lead us to happy security.
Like the chart, there would be warning markers - red Xs for booze, drugs, bad relationships, financial idiocy, screwing off in school - you missed the tide and got stuck in the sand - and so forth.
There are many lines we don't recognize or don't heed -our parents, teachers, pastors, mentors, our faith - people who have been grounded and are trying to tell us where the rocks and shoals are. Having the humility to listen is tougher than it looks.
I am resolved to follow the selfless example of Bob423. Can I use my experience and knowledge to lay down some tracks that might keep someone afloat?
I will need a cool name like Bob423. How about Bladerunner83? (This surgeon lives on Highway 83.) I dunno. More like BaldDad67. Gotta keep it real.
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