Children, mimicking and adults

When young children play together, they often begin to assume the behaviors and dress styles of their peers. They tell their parents how they want to dress and are adamant about what is acceptable as "in" and what is considered "out."

In school, being a member of an "in" clique is critical. Being an outcast is devastating for anyone outside the clique. Being inside, usually means members talk, think, dress, behave and assume attitudes that are similar to each other. They mimic each other. Everyone outside has a persona (appearance), values and behaviors that differ from the inside members. Someone on the inside wouldn't dare be seen talking or relating to someone on the outside. How embarrassing!

The clique members develop their own unwritten rules to follow; that is, until members become young adults. Then, new cliques form, even individual friendships form, but, again, there is a sense of being inside versus outside.

When young adults become adults, again new cliques form but the results are the same. The inside members are far more righteous than the outsiders. As adults, however, the cliques can form in less direct ways than when members were younger. This means that members might be physically distant from each other but feel unified through some common belief or interest. This is obvious with sports fans, government bipartisanship, social issues and more. Today, social media more easily enables remote clique membership.

What I'm describing are collective ways of being. Inside members feel privileged, superior, arrogant and simply right. They follow the beliefs of the clique to the letter. Regardless of the distance between members, adult members are still mimicking each other, just as they did when they were children. Often, a member is adamant about being an individual and about individual rights, but, again, this adamant attitude mimics adamant childhood behaviors. There is no individuality!

Individuality requires self-reflection, inspecting oneself and realizing how immature and undeveloped one has remained. It requires effort to turn away from early influences, to realize that mimicking continues and to withdraw from cliques. It requires attaining knowledge instead of simply relying on the beliefs of the clique. It requires being able to become a more deeply understanding person, rather than an egotistical (identity driven), superficial follower. Of course, following these requirements doesn't guarantee genuine individuality.

Psychological complexes (early conditioning formations), the shadow (the dark side of one's psychology) or wounds such as narcissism (extreme self-centeredness) can still be present. But, without taking the first self-reflective step, nothing can change.

As adults, we all need to step out of childhood cliques and become our natural selves.