It was 24 years ago March 11 that a beautiful young lady flew to Anchorage, Alaska, to meet me to embark on the wonderful life-long journey together that we call marriage. I believe my wife Missy is the best gift God has given to me outside of life itself and the gift of eternal life through the forgiveness of sins offered by His Jesus Christ’s death on the cross.
I thank God every day for the gift of a godly wife who I can call my best friend, companion, lover and mother of my kids! And I thank Missy for being willing to love me in spite of my flaws, to be committed to our relationship, and for not wanting to settle for a mediocre marriage.
I do not claim to be an expert on marriage by any means. Nor do I claim that our marriage is perfect - it is not - it is a work in progress. But I do claim to be very happily married to a loving spouse and believe I have learned a few things over the years that I would like to share with you.
1. Choose your spouse carefully and wisely. It is the most important decision aside from salvation that you will ever make. And once you choose and get married, don’t look back.
2. Keep God first in your relationship. Marriage does not work well if you are the most important thing in your life. Marriage works better, but not best, if you treat your spouse as the most important thing in your life. Marriage does work best when God is the most important thing in your life - it serves to keep a proper perspective on this life and who we ought to be serving. This point is only #2 because it has to follow actually getting married.
3. Never threaten divorce. No matter how hard it is, or how hard it gets, make a commitment to stay committed to your spouse and your marriage, “till death do us part.” I believe that if both husband and wife are committed to the marriage and willing to get help as needed, there is virtually nothing that cannot be overcome in the relationship. Our culture has fostered an attitude of quitting on relationships when things get tough - buck that trend and stick with it when things are tough. I can speak from experience that tough times do not have to last, and better times can follow. Just as we are comforted by God promising to never leave or forsake us, so your spouse will be comforted by your commitment to your marriage.
4. Accept your spouse as they are. None of us are perfect; we are all flawed sinners. There may be things about your spouse that drive you crazy, but face it, you cannot change them. Only God can truly bring about change in our lives, so leave it to Him. When we become Christians, God views us as though we are not sinners. Of course, He knows we still sin, but He accepts us as we are in spite of our sin. If you treat your spouse in a similar manner, there will be substantially less tension and conflict in your marriage.
5. Be quick to forgive. Whenever two people live together, there is always going to be things that happen that will offend or hurt us. But if you are in a loving relationship, remember that your spouse does not want to purposefully offend you, and when they come and apologize, or better yet, even if they do not come and apologize, be quick to forgive. Again, the example we have from God is that He always forgives us.
6. Always be willing to get help. There are scores of books written about marriage. There are good counselors available (probably even in your own church), and there are excellent seminars to go to (for instance, Marriage Encounter and Weekend to Remember). The more effort you put into your marriage, the better it gets.
There is much more that could be said, and much more that I still need to learn, but I can honestly say that if God keeps us both alive, I greatly anticipate with joy spending another 24 (or more) years with my wonderful bride!
Reader Comments(0)